“Does even one of you have a cock? Just one. If so, this might work for me. Doesn’t even have to be huge, just functioning.”

Centaur was sad, not because his mother had banged a horse, but because he wound up with a chihuahua-sized penis.

“One day, I’ll take you far away from here, Hortence, and Daddy will never put his meat stick in your dirty place ever again.”

Oh, don’t be jealous, Gwendolyn.  I’m thinking only of you while I’m banging my sheep.

“Hmmm…Interesting.  Says here in the newspaper that today is officially ‘Get the Hell Off the Piano, Cook Some Dinner, And Give Your Husband a Blow Job’ Day.”

In Tijuana, young boys practice sex by violating donkeys.  In Spain, they jam their penises into holes in the sand.

“I knew we were going to Hell, Virgil, but you could have at least mentioned that it was going to be a total sausage-fest.”