As it turns out, the following story is, in fact, false. It originally appeared on a Swedish site that caters to fans of satire. I would take it down, but dead links are annoying and Flock Of Weasels is getting more hits on it than it has ever seen. The writing’s mine, however, and if you find it slightly humorous, I’d encourage you to poke around some of the other articles for a while and then maybe pass the word along. It gets lonely here.
I’ve stuck my porksword in some strange places, I’ll admit, but never with the expectation of intense pain, nor near-certain death; well, not immediate pain and death at any rate.
A 35-year-old Swedish man who took a hornets’ nest to town on Monday has died as a lifeless, bloated mess, albeit a sexually satisfied lifeless, bloated mess.
He may have received 146 stings, 54 of which were in his genital region, but he managed to complete his act of misguided copulation, as was evidenced by the semen found on some of the wasps that were sent to the great beyond by what must have been a frenzied encounter.
And here I am, merely thankful for the fact that I wasn’t the one who had to count the stings.
I’ve always assumed that hornets gave terrible head, but based upon the Swede’s ability to satisfy himself, I’m now left questioning my assumption. News Sweden has some sage advice on this matter, however: “To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet’s nest is a very bad idea.”
No word on whether or not the deceased was able to impregnate any of the hornets.